Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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