I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
