Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize