you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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