they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
