So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
