I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
