Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
this just has baby written all over it
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
