How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
