Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
