Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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