I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
