You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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