well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
