If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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