Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
