My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She's the barista slut.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
