i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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