And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize