my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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