I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
