SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
