My nipple is on Facebook.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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