shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
