I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
