I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
a search helicopter?!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
