Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
