Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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