does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
