remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
