i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm at about main and main street
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
