My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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