I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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