my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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