the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
