If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
