Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize