you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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