I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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