Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
