God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
