don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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