Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
