the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
