I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
