I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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