Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
