Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
