At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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