who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
