No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
