I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
