I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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