I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
