he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
