cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Enjoy the penises
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
