I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
