I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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