smell my finger.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
