Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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