Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
