Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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