You're my little dorito
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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