I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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