last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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