I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
