Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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