and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
