Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
