she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
