I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
