she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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