I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
