I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
