sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
