I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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