i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
