you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
