how do flat chested girls get laid?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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