There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
