i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
