Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
