I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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