??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
