You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
